More farewells

Once every year, there will be a brief few hours in which I would undergo dread, confrontation, compromise, awkwardness, unease, guilt, and in the end I'd break. Then comes resolve, a bit of reflection, and then it'll be okay. 

Darnit, I know myself. Before everything, I knew this was what I'd end up doing, and I'm angry at myself for that. I didn't need to. 

Why, they ask me, why do something I don't need to do and suffer all the losses myself, and against the advice of most people, to keep a friend? A friend whom, in their opinion, might not be worth keeping.

They don't know… they don't. These are my own affairs. There are some in this world who can live with enemies, but not I. Not especially if that person was once a friend. And one more thing – I do not seek to appease. I appease no-one. It's just me. 

*****

People always give this excuse: there's not enough time. I am using this excuse now. There are many with whom I would have loved to have had tea or lunch or supper with, or maybe meeting up just for a quick good-bye. I'm sorry I didn't. Not that I really couldn't, just that I didn't. To those who will still be in London next year, I will be back. I hope I'll be back… I can't have made it this far only to slip at the end! I'll know my degree classification on the 30th. Those who won't be in London… will most likely be in S'pore so we'll meet soon. Hopefully. Admist our busy schedules and whatnot. 

*****

We moved everything over to Earls Court today. I ended up with less boxes than I thought I'd need. The fish made it all in round two. Poor them, if they could survive the traumatic cab ride, they could survive the summer (I hope) without my care.  

In between the rush, we managed to catch Jet Li's Fearless. A solid finale to his martial arts films. Great action, great message, great wushu. Inspires me to train hard this summer! Try as I might, I can't even remember the starting moves of my second handset. 

***** 

There goes that London red bus no. 74. Man, that was hard.

We decided that it would better this way, but in an unexpected move, the others decided that they too would spend the night at Earls Court! All the rest of the household will be spending the summer in London – internships, work, travels etc. – so they'll be staying there for the next few months as the contract for Queens Gate will expire in a few days. 

It's just Xiao and Bernard left on this side. 

My room lies bare and empty, save for the four pieces for the airport and the odd item left on the shelves. When I talk, the walls bounce off echoes. 

*****

It'll be tough. I have no idea but I know it'll be tough. There will be an endless stream of trying tomorrows… but who knows? God knows. Time for more prayer and guidance. 

*****

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